Saturday, March 29, 2008

Healthy Relationships!

For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.
— 1 Peter 3:10, 11

 

Do you want good relationships? Do you want to live a long and happy life with your spouse, family, and friends? If your answer is "Yes, that is exactly what I want," you need to pay close attention to these words of Peter.

 

The word "refrain" to me means to pause. It means to take a break; to take a rest; or to cease for a moment from what one is doing. Years ago, Dick gave me a small sign I hung in my kitchen. It reads THINK in capital letters. At the time, it reminded me to be cautious while working in the kitchen. It was commonplace for me to cut myself, burn myself, or to drop and break glasses! Being heavily medicated had many tradeoffs and these were just a couple. Therefore, while I was about my business in the kitchen I would often look up and see the sign and it instilled in me a pause for a moment and allowed me to make a clear decision. So not only words but also actions can not be taken back. Once said or done it is out there! And depending on the word or action it can cause destruction not only to self but to others whom we love as well. The words or actions cannot be taken back!

 

Can you think of a time when you got so angry you exploded and spewed destructive words? Were you sorry later you said them? This is what Peter is talking about here. I believe Peter is speaking to husbands and wives urging them to make sure their lips "speak no guile" which is deception and manipulation.

 

These are destructive to any relationship. When a husband and wife manipulate, deceive, or lie to each other, they create an atmosphere of distrust that disrupts their ability to maintain a peaceful, harmonious home. That is why Peter urges spouses to stay out of the deception and manipulation business!

 

Think of your relationships at work. What happens if you use deception and manipulation with other co-workers or superiors? You break a trust, don't you? When a trust is broken with a colleague or supervisor, the possibility of advancement in that position diminishes. If you want to have a good life and happy relationships, you must learn to take a lifelong break from speaking evil. You must also determine in your heart that you will no longer play the manipulation game with your spouse, family, friends or others in your life!

 

Peter says that instead of taking that wrong route, you must "eschew evil" or

Intentionally turn away from saying something evil. We must put aside destructive negative patterns and practices. There must be an intentional turning away from every destructive behavior pattern and an intentional turning toward actions that build trust and make a relationship strong and healthy.

 

There was a time in my life when my grandmother would say, "Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are and what you are up to". She could tell what my character was by visiting with my friends and listening to them talk and interacting with one another. How much greater our actions speak than our words.

 

Not only do we need to watch and think of how we speak, we should get creative and put some effort into thinking of ways to be loving and pleasing to others. If you want your marriage and other relationships to be blessed, strong, long-lasting, and healthy, you must deliberately look for ways to be a blessing. Find ways to become a benefit to your spouse and friends.

 

Peter tells husbands and wives to "seek peace" instead of constantly getting into conflicts with each other. The word seek tells me that sometimes peace is not evident; we must search it out! We must be constantly looking for evidence of peace. When a person is straining forward with all his might, he is committed having a never give up attitude. He will not stop until he finally obtains that which he deeply desires!

 

"Peace" in a marriage does not happen accidentally. When a couple has peace and harmony in their relationship, they have achieved that goal through hard work, patience, understanding, and a never-give-up desire to have peace. One does not have to work as hard with co-workers and friends. They are only part time in our lives.

 

Early on in our marriage, I can remember having strong differences of opinions with Dick.  Knowing my character--strong willed and sometimes thick- headed I knew that I needed time out from what could be heated arguments.  Time out to think and cool down so I could approach the topic level headed!  Dick was the same.  We knew we needed to separate then come together at another time for discussion.  Many events and misunderstandings can occur to disrupt peace in a relationship, so your desire for marital peace must be stronger than any other forces. If you are not totally fixed on having peace with your spouse, the devil will find a way to constantly get in between the two of you and cause division.

 

Peter says that if you are going to have this kind of peace between you and your spouse, you must "ensue it" -- to hunt it down, to chase it, or to pursue it at all cost.

 

When I get my mind fixed on something, no one can change my mind.. It is as though I am in a hunt and expecting to win a trophy. I will not quit, slow down, or give up—not until I reach my goal. Therefore, I will be steadfast. I seek God for what He would have me change. Look for opportunities to be pleasing to others and be determined to have God manifest in your lives.

 

This is not a quick process. It might take a long time to achieve the desired results. This means peace will not come to us by accident. If we are going to have peace in our relationships — especially our marital relationship — we must put on our thinking caps and develop a plan for peace! If necessary, we must be willing to stalk peace and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit

 

Remember, we live in a day when marriages are quickly made and quickly dissolved. Therefore, if you see a healthy marriage that has lasted through many years, realize that this couple has worked very hard to have such a good relationship.

 

I urge you to take Peter's words deep into your heart. Determine to do everything you can to make your marriage strong and healthy. It is going to take hard work and commitment to make it happen. But, if you want to experience a happy, fulfilling life with your spouse, every bit of that hard work will be well worth it in the end!

 

 

1 comment:

DUPE OTERI said...

Great writing madam. Thank yo so much for being a blessing. The piece is timely and helpful.